Everything Led Back To You
by SweetMemories1998
Summary: After learning that Erza is dead, Jellal struggles with his conflicted feelings about it. Pain, sorrow, denial, hope, regret. It's an endless cycle that led no where and the question remained: would he ever manage to move on from Erza Scarlet? (Jelllal & Ultear & Meredy friendship) (Song-fic based on All Of These Stars) (For Jerza Week) (super late)


**UPDATING: (apparently you're not allowed to use the lyrics of the songs in the stories, don't know how I missed that. My bad :( I replaced it with words of my own.)**

 **Hi, people.**

 **I don't even know where this came from, seriously. I was supposed to write Unforgivable today, but then I listened to the amazing song by Ed Sheeran and it just occurred to me how much it fit with Jellal and Erza. **

**Then the ideas just kept coming and I was like "I must write this now before I lose my mind".**

 **I'm considering this the prompt for Jerza Week Day 7: Complicated, just because I couldn't think of anything for that one and I really wanted to finish it.**

 **WARNING: This is really angsty, so be prepared to get your hearts broken.**

 **Good luck!**

* * *

 _A beautiful night  
_

 _I couldn't sleep_

 _So I stared into the endless sky_

 _And thought of you_

Jellal sighed while staring at the star filled sky. It was late; too late for him to be awake, but he couldn't sleep. He hadn't been able to do so ever since the news of Erza's apparent demise reached him.

 _"I'm so sorry, Jellal."_ He remembered Ultear's sincere apology after her and Meredy were forced to tell him the truth. He remembered the compassionate, understanding, sorrowful look upon her face.

But she didn't understand; she couldn't because she never loved someone as much as he loved Erza.

Or maybe she did, he thought, maybe the way she felt about sweet Meredy was similar to what he had felt about the red head.

Even so, she hadn't lost the person she loved most. She wasn't constantly haunted by nightmares of losing her all over again. She didn't need to try to go on after getting her heart broken in the cruelest of ways.

"Why did you have to go, Erza?" Jellal whispered, silent tears streaming down his face.

It had been a year now, since he learned it. Not a day would go by that his desperate heart didn't hope that it was all lies and she was okay.

He remembered her face so clearly. Those beautiful, giant brown eyes that were so warm and caring. The smile that he rarely got to see, but lit up his whole world. The unforgettable scarlet hair that he used to love running his fingers through.

He wished he could do it again. He wished he could go back in time, back when they were just two lost children trapped in a tower. When they were close friends, before he ruined everything.

Jellal frowned at the memory of the day he sent her away. It would never leave him; his sins were always there to remind him why he never deserved her.

Trying to shake the thought away, he looked once again towards the beautiful sky; just as a shooting star appeared.

 _If you were here,_

 _I'd tell you how much I loved you_

 _I'd run my fingers through your hair like I used to_

 _I'd sing to you (and only you)_

He had never been one for songs; always too embarrassed to ever sing. However, when Erza asked him to sing to her on a rainy night when they were alone at the tower-he didn't even remember where the others had been-, Jellal hadn't hesitated.

He would've done anything for her; to make her feel better and so he obliged to her request.

After she lay down with her head on his lap, he began playing with her hair before humming a familiar tune. He didn't remember the song's name, but the melody would forever echo inside his mind.

It was their song, as Erza had called it, and the simple memory of singing to her brought a smile to his face.

 _Watching the beautiful sky filled with stars_

 _I wonder, do you see them, too?_

He couldn't help himself from wondering if she might still be alive. Even after everyone had given up, he still refused to. Because he loved her too much, so the thought of her being dead was too heartbreaking to consider.

Even after Ultear had insisted time and time again that he would lose his mind if he kept looking for her, he still did. He looked everywhere; always searching for that familiar scarlet hair. But he never saw it again; the color seemed to have disappeared just as she did.

Every time he would stare into the night sky- it had become his newest favorite thing since he never managed to get a good night's sleep- he would wonder if perhaps, somewhere, Erza was looking at it too.

He wondered if they would ever see the same sky again or if it was just a faraway dream; an impossible hope that his heart needed to let go of. But he didn't, just as he didn't let go of her.

After all, letting go wasn't so easy and Jellal was stubborn as can be; so he refused to give up.

 _Your words keep me into the light  
_

 _They chase away the darkness of the night_

 _Leaving only the beautiful stars to be seen_

He never forgot her words when they had met during the Oracion Seis incident. They were what kept him into the light, what gave him a reason to live even if all he had wanted was to die so that he could be with her.

 _You have a duty to stay alive._ As much as he hated it, he kept following his duty. Kept trying to redeem himself so that he could be worthy of her when he saw her again.

But still, despite his stubbornness and hope, the question would still stab at his heart: would he ever see her again?

 _I have scars that can't be healed_

 _Sins that can't be atoned for_

 _Memories I'd rather forget_

 _Will the hurt ever go away?_

It hurt. Every single day. The memories, the constant reminders, it was all too much.

Now that they had returned, he couldn't stop thinking about the scars; both the ones he had inflicted upon her and the ones he carried himself.

 _Simon._ Kind, protective and loving Simon. It was his greatest sin, one that he could never atone for.

And it killed him.

Jellal tried so had to make up for all the terrible things he had done, but the reminder that Simon's death could never be reversed left a hollow gap on his chest; a painful wound that would never heal.

There were many nights in which he would drown in self-hatred and sorrow; unable to forgive himself for murdering one of his oldest friends. Those were the worst times and he even tried to take his own life more than once; hoping it would make the hurt disappear.

Thankfully, Meredy and Ultear helped him get through it. They were always there for him; two amazing friends he didn't feel like he deserved.

Besides Erza, they were the only thing keeping him alive. Their comforting words, unwavering kindness and acceptance, endless attempts to distract his mind from the dark thoughts that threatened to destroy him.

He knew that they were hurting too, but they always pushed it aside and focused on him.

No words could describe how thankful Jellal was to them.

 _What kills me most  
_

 _Are the possibilties_

 _The what if's_

 _The illusions and dreams_

He couldn't stop thinking about the possibilities, the what if's. His hopeful mind created many scenarios in which they might've been together. He imagined what a life with her would be like; a happy life.

He imagined being able to kiss her, touch her, love her.

In a world where he wasn't Jellal Fernandes, a convicted criminal that lived in the shadows, but instead just a man in love with an amazing woman.

He hated his cruel mind for coming up with all these thoughts and breaking his heart even more. Hated the smile that would appear when he imagined these impossible futures; the way his heart would beat so much faster when he thought of kissing Erza; the pain that would follow the reminder that it could never be.

A future that could never be. A hopeful dream he didn't want to wake up from.

 _You are always in my thoughts,_

 _Your hair, your eyes, your smile_

 _Everything led back to you_

Everything reminded him of her. It was like a curse, no matter how hard he may try, she would always be amongst his thoughts.

Whenever he saw anything that resembled red or brown, Jellal would remember her.

Even looking into Meredy's crimson eyes sometimes brought up memories of Erza; and he would have to avoid looking into them if he wanted to stay sane.

Because the memories drove him crazy. Good or bad, they were the main cause for his suffering. They were the only thing he had left of her and, while part of him wished to hold onto them; the other just wanted to forget.

Because remembering her hurt, way more than he could've imagined it would.

Everything just hurt. Being without her, imagining being with her, wondering if she was truly gone.

Everything had become so irritatingly complicated. But love is never simple; he had always known that.

It was an endless cycle of pain, sorrow, loss, regrets and possibilities. It didn't lead him anywhere and he knew Ultear and Meredy worried. Knew they wondered the same thing he always did: what would become of him? Would he ever manage to move on from Erza Scarlet?

 _Pain, Loss, Sadness  
_

 _I was drowning in them_

 _Emotions that slowly tore me apart_

 _Until you came back to me_

 _Only then did I finally breathe_

Even though he tried to reassure his companions that he would be fine and time was all his broken heart needed to heal, he doubted it.

Jellal knew that not even 100 years would erase the pain of losing her. If she was even lost, that was.

He was slowly losing himself; drowning in these conflicted feelings and memories. Trying to stay strong, to stay alive like he had promised her; but sometimes it was just too hard.

Sometimes he just wanted everything to stop, for the whole world to disappear into nothingness. Because as lonely as the emptiness was-he knew, he had felt it for a whole year while he was still imprisoned- it was still better than the overwhelming emotions that almost destroyed him.

He had been so close to finally giving up and letting himself go, when he heard the most joyous and impossible news: Erza was alive. She had been alive all this time, trapped on Tenrou Island.

At first, he hadn't wanted to believe it. Even after all those years wishing for her not to be gone, the notion that she might still be alive threatened his too unstable mind.

Jellal didn't want to hope anymore, he was tired of it. Years of dreaming and wishing had almost destroyed him and he knew that one more false hope might be the end.

So he was skeptical about it; ignoring Ultear and Meredy's happiness. He refused to believe that Erza was alive until he saw it with his own eyes.

And he did. Weeks later, he found her; and it was like time had stopped all of sudden.

He was frozen in shock, staring at the beautiful red head in disbelief. His heart beat faster than ever, so scared yet so full of hope and happiness. She was there, she was real.

Then she smiled, and it was all it took for him to completely break down. He was glad that there was no one else there, for he had arranged this meeting just between them.

Erza's smile turned into a frown as soon as he fell to his knees and started crying like the broken man he truly was. She worried, unaware of all the complicated feelings he had been struggling with.

Kneeling down by his side, she gently took him into her arms and held him like he had dreamed so many times. Her embrace was warm, comforting and he only cried harder.

It was everything he had wanted, everything he had needed.

She was everything. And he finally had her again and Jellal vowed that day to never let her go.

Even if she might hate him after what he had done, he wouldn't give up. He would become worthy of her so that someday they could share the future he had imagined.

A happy future. Once thought to be impossible, now much more than a fabrication.

It was okay to hope again because he had Erza and that was all he needed.

* * *

 **So, this was angsty. Hope you enjoyed the combination of Jellal's thoughts and the song.**

 **Stay tuned for the next chapter of Unforgivable coming on June 26th and my newest story about NaLu and Gruvia.**

 **I wish everyone has a nice day!**


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